mercredi 4 septembre 2013

Hyper-creativity - a coping mechanism

Hello Lovelies,

This an updated post, formerly published on July 31st 2013 (oops, i just realized there are still a couple links missing in the post, and hope to be able to add them before the weekend starts).

"Art is a form of consciousness.

-Susan Sontag, 1964.

I've always liked (and seeked) the opportunity to be "trying something new", but I finally realized I am a "hypercreative" person - this is simply my coping mechanism as a former abused child (please note that I'm still abused TO THIS VERY DAY by family members and strangers alike).

Why hyper-creative?

Because during my lifetime, as a way to cope with abnormal, absurd and non-comprehensible violence towards me - physical, emotional & sexual types of violence - I tried (and was pretty successful) my hand at all of the following artistic disciplines:

writing/reading poetry and fiction (I have been published in digital format several times on
painting (oil, acrylic, mixed media) - several exhibitions as a solo artist at the Nozart Gallery in Toulouse, France
engraving (rubber, wood, metal and plastic sheets etc...)
textile printing
singing (this really SAVED MY LIFE, more on that process later)
dancing (mostly alone in my living-room, though I'm now determined to go out and rock the world, a bit!)
classical anatomy sculpting
swimming in an athletic way
I also walk for hours and can ride a bike pretty well, despite both activities being used by my abusers to make me suffer, too
acting: important support role in short film at age 5, several amateur theatre plays
in the film industry: editing, live translating, sub-titling
photography (official film set photographer etc... now an avid instagrammer)
speaking fluently 5 languages
the list goes on and on...

This long, long list makes me think about Shiva.. I know nearly nothing about Hinduism, but... but Shiva or even Kali, the Dark Goddess do come to mind...

I think this image of terrifying Kali:

is really me, the terrified abused child trying to make scary faces to scare off past & present abusers...

But maybe I am not a Hindi deity, but rather some kind of "nobody", aka the Beatles' "NoWhere Man":

Since June 2013, I have started to tap dance (yes, alone in my living-room, just by watching tap dance beginners' videos on youtube).

I desperately want to go back to engraving, some time soon (workshops will resume during back-to-school 2013 time).

Being hyper-creative helps me avoid resorting to violence myself, and it provides a place to express anger, anxiety and high levels of sadness in a non medical (aka official psychiatry) way.

I am NOT crazy, I am a SURVIVOR of repeated rapes and other wrongs done to me repeatly throughout my lifetime.

I do NOT seek revenge, other than in a metaphorical way:

* "the pen is mightier than the sword" - so I have started to write a testimonial about my first hand child abuse experience in short fiction form. I have chosen my working title and opening quote already and have a rough plan for the plot.

* "living well is the best revenge" so says the quote. Merely by surviving, by coping by thriving by being - albeit fleetingly - happy, and by taking good care of myself (no drugs whatsoever, no work in the porn or prostitution industries) and undertaking therapy, I daily mock my torturers' intention to kill me - literally.

(reflect on the meaning of the word "discipline" btw... it means both the abuse and punishment by abusive parents as well as my self-imposed artistic activities... weird double-entendre,here! see this except from wikpedia's article on child abuse: "Until quite recently, children had very few rights in regard to protection from violence by their parents, and still continue to do so in many parts of the world. Historically, fathers had virtually unlimited rights in regard to their children and how they chose to discipline them.")

So I chose the "D" answer as my main reason for joining the Feminine POwer FREE webinar, it's tonight live at 2AM Paris, France Time.

Theanswer stands for " Infusing your life with meaning and purpose" - when your very own parents actively hate you and want you dead since your in utero state, it's hard to make any sense out of this life of absurd happennings and endless pain. 

links (still missing fro the time being): more about fem power here (simply check out their facebook page or feminine ) + find your own time zone here.

there is NO WAY I am gonna be ashamed of myself: this is my true *NEW* name, my true face and my true story you see here. My google+ profile now displays a phot of Lana del Rey, but this is temporary of course and I'll add my own selfie soon.

No need to apologize for being alive and well!

...but the past abuse(s) don't really matter anymore - I'm moving forward. AND I'm taking my life, identity and own name back.

I was born again this very day and from now on my name is "Alix" - it's a mix of the normal-sounding-to-me first name "Alice" and the word "phoenix" because I am daily ressuscitating from my own ashes, "Alix" is also the name of the beautiful heroine of the recent French movie "Le Temps de l'aventure" featuring Gabriel Byrne and Emmanuelle Devos in the leading roles.

-Alix (formerly known as "Naomi Lipson").

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